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How To Save Your Marriage Without All The Talking


By Sabrina Summerfield

Have you ever considered that in order to save your marriage you may need to stop talking so much with your spouse? To many people not talking, fighting, and showing all the dramatic emotion goes against the grain of working things out, but for many it can make the difference between a vow renewal ceremony and divorce.

Most couples who are having difficulties turn to a therapist or counselor of some sort, seeking intervention to steer them through to happier times. While this does work for some people, others find themselves filling out divorce papers before they even finish their pre-paid sessions.

Are you wondering how you can end up one of the former, rather than the latter?

If you think it's the skill of the therapist that makes the difference, you are wrong. It's the listening skills of the couple that make the difference here. Truthfully, it is not the talking that fixes the problems! Couples that use talk therapy successfully are the ones that truly listen to one another and then take action every single day afterward to make things better.

Talk that does not lead to action is not enough. Sessions that include two closed-off, bitter people sitting with arms crossed tight waiting for their chance to rip the other person apart or cry about how they have been hurt and betrayed will lead nowhere good. It can't do any good because everyone is talking but no one is listening.

It's what you do when you leave the therapist's office that really counts. If you leave fuming mad and go have a screaming match or completely shut one another out and not talk at all until the next session, chances are very low you will ever work things out.

The recipe for success is a short period of open, honest, attack-free discussion where both people are allowed to state the issues as they see it without worry of attack or revenge. If you really listen to one another and then take deliberate action to start fixing the issues, you may really be able to save the relationship.

Instead of storming out of such a session with anger, you should storm out thinking of ways to make things better. Then take action! It's what you ultimately do, not say, that is going to eventually save your marriage or allow it to self-destruct and erode even further.

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